Novels

i’m not the same fucking person i used to be. this. this is why i need to get the fuck out of this town. I need to go to a place where i can start my life over again with andy. i need to not see people i went to high school with everyday at fucking walmart. i need to know that there is something better out there. I don’t want to die here. I don’t want to die here. Dear god please hear me. I fucking hate this place. There is nothing left for me here. so i’m saving every single dollar i have until i can get to san diego. I’ve been pushing down these feelings for so long it’s ridiculous. I’ve tried to make the best of it and appreciate it but i just can’t fucking do it anymore. I can’t live here anymore. i can’t keep bothering andy about it, no one knows how i feel. THIS IS HOW I FEEL. I FEEL LIKE THERE ARE ANTS UNDER MY SKIN. I FEEL LIKE I’M FUCKING RIPPING APART WITH ANGER. FUCK THIS SHIT. this feeling lays underneath everything i experience. this anxiety. this horror. this hate.  andy is my rock in this. he is the only one who can help me stay above water.

and maybe one day i will come back here and i wont be so full of hatred, and instead of spitting, i will embrace this place as a large part of who i am. but not now. not for a very long time. 

$23.65 in the bank. goal is 2000 by december 31

dear steven, matt, jack, and aunt cindy i love you guys and i will be there as soon as i can. steven, if you could escape this hell and get back there, then so can i. 

roses are red

violets are blue

obama is awesome and doesn’t deserve the shit he’s given on a daily basis because at least he’s trying to better the country and i’d say that after 8 years of being ruled by a dumb as fuck president, there is a lot to fix and most of it can’t be fixed overnight and if you actually think he was going to fix it within four years, then you need to sit down and think about what you’re expecting from one person

and so stop